A question was asked in the Women at the Well Forum by a sister who was struggling with bad influences, normaly you say .. turn away .. but what if that influence is your husband? This reply was given (NOT by me) and I felt it worthy to be here, I hope it is an encouragement to someone:
(the x's are where names were changed)
Since we have been here in Kansas, this has been an issue. I come from a very close knit, loving and most importantly Godly family. 3 Sisters and a brother, WE ALL did our share of rebelling but my Mom stood firm PTL!
I must say that xxxx did not have that type of upbringing, very sad and still many of his family members are not saved or openly reject Christ. When we decided to get married, the Pastor who counseled us did not want to. He went through scripture with me about being unequally yoked etc. Back then I was very "blunt" as I sat in his office and listened I told him YOUR CRAZY. I am preganant, we have been living together for a few years, etc etc I am just as bad as he is and you say were unequally yoked? WHATEVER was my attitude.
After six or eight weeks of counseling Pastor Steve sat us down and told us that although he did not know why, he would do the ceremony, he said that he had never married a couple who were not equally yoked but had been praying and received peace about doing the ceremony.
Well long story short when xxxx was a few months old I rededicated my life to the Lord. I knew from my up bringing that I could not raise this child without God. So for about a year I attended church, bible study etc. Although still unsaved Vern would go with me to church on occasion, I NEVER PUSHED, I never "ragged" him about not going I left him to the Lord. Many women make the mistake of trying to be the Holy Spirit to their husbands I got news IT AINT YOUR JOB! Turning up the radio to blast a sermon wont make a difference, spouting scripture at him wont do anything but build resentment between man and wife.
xxxx came to me a few days after we had been at church one Sunday and asked me if I had been praying for his "confusion", LOL I said you mean "conviction" he said yeah whatever, I told him yes I was, he told me I thought so cause nothing in my life is going right about now LOL.
WELL a few weeks later Vern calls me from work about 6:00 AM I was like WHAT DO YOU WANT LOL Back then with a little one and being pregnant, sleep was a rare commodity. My husband was blubbering like a fool. I woke up real quick I thought he had been in an accident. No there was no accident, on his way to work he had heard an old J. Vernon McGee sermon and pulled over on the side of the freeway and accepted Christ into his life!
Although the drugs and alcohol had been long gone, the friends were still an issue, and sadly not just friends but family. We tried the "just loose contact over time" way but that didn't work. Knowing full well that God had called us out and to be set apart, we had to take a strong stand and say NO MORE, and yes this meant cutting ties with his family too.
But during that year that I was walking with the Lord and dh was not, yes it was hard, but my Mom had told me during this time that I had to just continue my walk with the Lord, she had told me that Vern didn't see Jesus at work, he wasn't seeing Jesus with his friends, he wasn't seeing Jesus with his family, so I had to be EXTRA cautious, because I was the only "Jesus" he was seeing. In other words I was the only example of God at that point in his life.
When we went for dinner and the waiter would ask if we wanted a cocktail I declined, when other issues took place I had to be on my toes and watch my every word so that Christ could shine through. IT WAS NOT EASY, but through Gods grace and mercy I was able to stand.
Through that he saw the difference, he seen the peace I had, he seen the behavior changes, he seen me making every effort to follow God, and he decided that was what he wanted for his own life.
On the way here in the car there was a sermon on the radio from Dr. Tony Evans BOY OHHHH BOY was he on womens cases! He made a very clear point, If you go to church, read everday, pray all the time, etc etc yet do not submitt to your husband be he saved or not your not as spiritual as you think you are!! WOW What an impact! So much truth there!
As a Pastors wife and I am sure other PW's can confirm this, when your husband counsels newly saved married people MOST of the time, the wife is not playing the correct role, she is either being Holier than thou, or knows it all, and the nasty little "S" word is not in here vocabulary. She thinks because God has changed her then hubby should be at the same level. DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY! Rather than strut her "spirituality" she needs to humble herself and submit AS UNTO THE LORD. Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Another HUGE issue is that many times a wife will begin a walk with God and continue to live a sinful life thus this gives her husband a false sence of who God really is and what He expects. The scripture is very clear. Matthew 5:37 But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil. Also there is warning in Mark 9:42 And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea In other words if one is going to talk it THEY BETTER BE WALKING IT!
Ladies, I do not mean to be long winded or harsh but ask yourself, "Am I the only Jesus my husband see's?". If they answer is yes then remember we are called to be a light to a dark world and that includes being an example to our husbands. We cannot walk with God one day and live in the world the next. We have to stand strong and put an end to our fleshful ways. Just because a husband party's or whatever does not mean that we are to go down that road. Remember, we are to be Christlike PERIOD, If we sway like the wind and bounce back and forth in our walks with the Lord we cannot expect a backslidden, or unbelieving husband to come to know God through our actions.
Well I have written a novel and PLEASE I PRAY no one is offended, thats not my intension, like I said as a Pastors wife I see this often and it's very sad. Dear Sister, I encourage you to be strong in the Lord, through your strength and obedience your husband will see Christ through you.