No Need to Scroll---Click To Go
The Arguement The Painters
The Twins Presidential Guidance
Amish boy and father The Father-in-Law
The Ticket The Pope and Moshie
Wonderbread The Pastor and the Eggs
Dead Donkey Three Guys in Heaven
Miracles Criticism
Problems Problems! If You Love Something
The Boy and the Fisherman It God Up and Went
Clinton Tragedy Look at Him Go
The Spanking The Haircut
Who Scratched the Sky? Scientists
The Centipede What's going on Here?
His Possessions At the Beach
Call your Mother Smile for the camera
Old Timer




The Christian Counter





FIRST SPANKING


Once there was a little boy who never got into trouble. But one day, he broke a window, so his dad said, "Go upstairs and think about what you've done and I'll be up to give a spanking.
So this little boy is sitting upstairs, scared because he's never gotten a spanking and doesn't know what it's like. About 20 minutes later, his dad comes up,spanks him, then goes back downstairs.
The little boy is just sitting there, crying. Suddenly he stops, pulls his pants down, and backs up to the mirror. He gasps in shock, then pulls his pants back up.
He runs downstairs to his dad and says, "Are you satisfied now, daddy? You cracked it!"

The Haircut


A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I`ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible more, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it."
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I`m real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you`ve studied your bible diligently, but you didn`t get a hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad, I`ve been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

Who Scratched the Sky?


My 2-year-old watched out the window as I was driving. Suddenly he got very upset, saying "Oh, they are really gonna get now! Oh, are they ever gonna get it now!" Seeing nothing remarkable happening outside, I asked my son, "Who's gonna get it? What did they do?" Then, with all the seriousness of a 2-year-old, and pointing to the stream of vapor behind a plane in the sky, he explained, "The guy driving that plane up there! Look at that! He scratched the sky, everywhere he goes -- and is God gonna ever be mad!"
Diane Dew, Milw., Wis.

Scientists


A scientist was not impressed by the way God had created humans.  He was sure if he studied, he could create a man just like God had. In his arrogance, he announces to God that he has figured it out and will be forming a man out of dirt, just like God had done with Adam.

The scientist gets a small shovel and large bucket and heads outside. "Where are you going?"  God asks him. "To get some dirt to make a man," the scientist replies.

To this, God says, "HEY!  Go get your OWN dirt!"

The Centipede


A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything.

The owner says, "How about a dog?" The man replies, "A dog? That's so ordinary! And a dog can't do everything!"

The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"

The owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it -- a centipede!" The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything. But, okay ... I'll try a centipede."

He gets the centipede home and says to it, "Clean the kitchen."

Twenty minutes later he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed, the furniture clean and dusted, the pillows on the sofa plumped and the plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This is truly a pet that can do everything."

He's absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room."

Twenty minutes later he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed, the furniture clean and dusted, the pillows on the sofa plumped and the plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This is truly a pet that can do everything."

He says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper."

The centipede walks out the door. Ten minutes later, no centipede. Twenty minutes later, no centipede. Thirty minutes later, no centipede.

The man is wondering what's going on. The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes. Forty-five minutes later, still no centipede! The man can't imagine what happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Finally, he goes to the front door and opens it ... and there's the centipede sitting right outside the door.

The man says, "Hey! I sent you 45 minutes ago to run down to the corner and get me a newspaper. What's the story?"

The centipede says, "I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm puttin' on my shoes!"

What's going on Here?


A manager in a big company needed to contact one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.  He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered voice on the first ring, "Hello?"

   "Is your Daddy home?" the boss quickly asked. "Yes", whispered the small voice.  May I talk with him?" the man asked, feeling somewhat put-off by this delay.  To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

    Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"  "Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?"  Again the small voice whispered, "No."

    "Son, is there any one there besides you?" the boss impatiently asked the child. "Yes", whispered the child, "A policeman."

    Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"  "No, he's busy", whispered the child.  "Busy doing what?" asked the boss.  "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.

    Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"  "A hello-copper.", answered the whispering voice.  "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.  In an awed voice the child answered, "The police just landed the hello-copper!"

    Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?"

    After a muffled giggle, the young voice replied in a very low whisper, "They're looking for me!"

Possessions


A man pleads with God that he really wanted to go to heaven but he wanted to take some possession of his from this life. He went around and around arguing with God and begging Him to be able to take one thing, just one, into heaven with him.

So the day came when the man died and he did go to heaven.  He arrived with his one thing that God had agreed to let him in with--a briefcase full of gold bricks. The man was grinning and walking down the street. He was glad to be in heaven and was feeling pleased that he had persuaded God.

Two of heaven's residents saw him whistling and walking down the street. One turns and says to the other, "What's with the guy walking around carrying a briefcase full of pavement??"

At the Beach


A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

So Call Your Mother


A man called his mother in Florida. He said to his mother, "How are you doing?" She said, "Not to good. I've been very weak."

The son then asked, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I havn't eaten in 38 days."

The son then asked, "How come you haven't eaten in 38 days?" She said, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food when you called."

Smile for the camera


An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly.  Another flash.  He did it again for a third  time, at an even slower speed.  Same result.

"This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought. A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!

Old timer!


Just a line to say I'm living,
that I'm not among the dead,
though I'm getting more forgetful
and mixed up within my head.

I got used to my arthritis,
to my dentures I'm resigned.
I can manage my bifocals,
but I sure do miss my mind.

For sometimes I can't remember
when at the foot of the stairs I stand,
if I must go up for something
or have just come down from there?

And, before the fridge so often,
my poor mind is filled with doubt,
Have I just put food away,
or have I come to take some out?

And, there are times when it is dark,
with my nightcap on my head,
I don't know if I'm retiring
or just getting out of bed.

So, if it's my turn to write you,
there's no need for getting sore--
I may think that I have written
and don't want to be a bore!

So remember that I love you
and wish that you were near,
but now it's nearly mail time,
so I must say "Good-bye, Dear."

PS:  Here I stand beside the mailbox
with a face so very red ---
instead of mailing you my letter,
I have opened it instead!


If you Love Something


Set it free
If it comes back,
it was and always will be yours.

If it never returns,
it was never yours to begin with.

If it just sits in your Living Room,
messes up your Stuff,
eats your Food,
uses your Telephone,
takes your Money,
and it never appeared that you actually set it free in the first place.
You either Married it, or gave Birth to it!

Look at Him Go

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out towards the fence.

Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you." He knew what it was. "Oh my!" he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery!"

He cycled down the road and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along.  "Come quick!" he said, "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls." The man said, "Shoo, you brat! Can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is!"

After several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery and heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one..."  The old man
whispered, "Boy, you's been tellin' the truth! Let's see if we can see the Devil himself."

Shivering with fear, they edged toward the fence, still unable to see anything, but they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done." They say the old guy made it to town 10 minutes before the boy!

         

The Tragedy
 
President Clinton went to an elementary school to address a group of children about tragedies. Before he started, he asked the children to give him an example of a tragedy. Several students raised their hands and he selected a little girl. The girl said, 'If a boy chased a ball into the street and was killed by a car, that would be a tragedy.' Mr. Clinton replied, 'No, that would be an accident.' A second student said, 'If a bus full of children drove over a cliff and all were killed, that would be a tragedy.' The President thought for a moment and said, 'No, I believe that would be a great loss.'

Clinton asked the class again for an example and no one raised a hand.

He said, 'Surely someone can give me an example of a tragedy.' Finally a little boy spoke up and said, 'If you and Mrs. Clinton were on Air Force One and a bomb exploded and you both were killed, that would be a tragedy.'

The President was very glad and said, 'Yes, that would be a tragedy. Can you explain why?' The boy said, 'Well, it wouldn't be an accident and it s8ure wouldn't be a great loss!'  



 
It Got Up and Went
How do I know my youth is all spent?
My get-up-and-go has got up and went.
My joints are still and filled with pain.
The pills that I take give me no gain.
I rub in the ointment like fury I do.
Each pain when it leaves comes back with two.
But in spite of it all I am able to grin
When I think of the places my get-up has been.
Old age is GOLDEN I have heard it said,
But sometimes I wonder as I get into bed-
My "ears" on the dresser, my "teeth" in a cup,
My "eyes" on the table until I wake up.
Ere sleep comes each night I say to myself,
"Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?"
Yet I am happy to know as I close the door,
My friends are the same as in days of yore.
Since I have retired form life's competition
Each day is filled with complete repetition.
I get up every morning and dust off my wits
Go pick up the paper and read the "o-bits."
If my name isn't there I know I'm not dead;
I get a good breakfast and go back to bed.
The reason I know my youth is all spent-
My get-up-and-go has got up and went.


       

         
 
Pope and Moishe
                                                         

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had  to leave Rome. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave. The Jews realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Moishe to represent them. Moishe asked for one addition to the debate. To make it           more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground wherehe sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up." This man is too good. The Jews can stay." An hour later, the cardinals were all around the  Pope asking him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity." He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. "What could I do?" Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe. "What happened?" they asked. "Well," said Moishe," First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me  that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here." "And then?" asked a woman. "I don't know," said Moishe,    "He took out his lunch and I took out mine"

Wonderbread

A guy from Tyson Foods arranges to visit the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing he whispers, "Your Eminence, do we have a deal for you. If you change The Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread...' to give us this day our daily chicken...' we will donate $500 million dollars to the Church."

The Pope responds saying, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed." "Well," says the Tyson man, "we are prepared to donate $1 billion to the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread...' to 'give us this day our daily chicken..."

Again the Pope replies, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed."

Finally, the Tyson guy says, "This is our last offer. We will donate $5 billion to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread...' to 'give us this day our daily chicken...'" and he leaves.

Next day the Pope meets with the College of Cardinals to say that he has good news and bad news.

"The good news is that the Church has come into $5 billion." "The bad news is that we are losing The Wonderbread Account.
By: Annette Sousley

THE PASTOR AND THE EGGS

The elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 100 $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box for their entire 25 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "WHY?"

The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that everytime during their marriage that he delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box. The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 25 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for.

She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for $1.


The Arguement

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer.  This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.  Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes,  taking out the electricity.

  Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with.  Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out." 

"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."  Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.  Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?" 

God chuckles, "Everybody knows... Jesus saves."


The Painters

Two men were down on their luck and decided to paint houses to earn some extra money. To start their business they asked the rabbi of a local temple if he would be interested in their service. He agreed and the men went out to buy the paint.

As they drove to the paint store they decided that they would mix half paint and half water to try to increase their profits. When they finished the job they called the rabbi outside to look at their work.

"It looks wonderful," the rabbi said and as he started to hand them the check a small raincloud appeared. All at once there was lightning and thunder and the temple area was drenched with rain. As the rain hit the temple the paint started running. Suddenly, as the three of them stood there in disbelief, a voice from heaven said ... "Repaint and thin no more."




The Twins


Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother... a relentless world class practical joker, sitting at his bed side.   He asked his brother how his wife was and his unborn children were... His brother replied, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you."

The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" With a lump in his throat --- he asked..."Well what did you name them?"

The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise." The husband, relieved, said, "That's a very pretty name!"

What did you come up with for my son?" The brother replied, "Denephew."


Presidential Guidance

The president of the U.S.A. was out jogging very early the other day when he came upon the Washington Monument. He paused at the entrance, bowed his head respectfully, and said: "George, the country is in terrible shape lately, and I'm not sure what to do to improve things. If you've got any advice for me, I would sure appreciate it."

Suddenly, the early morning mist cleared, a light shone down upon Bill, and a clear voice said: "Read the Constitution."

Bill though moment, then said: "I've read the Constitution, and I don't believe there's anything in there to help me right now." and he jogged on.

The next morning, Bill took a different route for his early morning jog and found himself in front of the Jefferson Memorial. Again, he bowed his head respectfully and said: "Thomas, the country is in terrible shape right now and I sure could use some help getting it straightened out. Is there anything you can think of to help me?" Again, the mist parted and a light shone down upon the president as a voice called out: "Read the Bill of Rights."

Bill thought a moment and said: "I've read the Bill of Rights, and I don't believe there's anything in there to help me right now." and he jogged on.

On the third morning, Clinton found himself in front of the Lincoln Memorial. For a third time, he bowed his head and said: "Mr. Lincoln, you were an inspiration to me. The country is in terrible shape right now and I was hoping you might have some words of wisdom to help me make things right.

Again, the mist cleared, a light shone down upon Bill, and a booming voice said: "Take your family to the theatre."



An Amish Boy and his Father

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall.  They were amazed by almost everything  they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father,  "What is this father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I   have never seen anything like this in my life,  I don't know what  it is." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a  button.

The walls opened and the lady rolled between them and into a small room.  The walls closed and the boy and his father  watched small circles of light with numbers above the wall light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse  direction.  The walls opened   up again and a beautiful 24 year old  woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your Mother."



The Ticket

A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray. "God, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto." Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Jacob goes back to the synagogue. "God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck!! Back to the synagogue... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order?" Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Jacob is confronted by the voice of GOD himself: "JACOB, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE. BUY A TICKET!"

Isn't it amazing how often we pray and expect God to hand us what we want without any effort on our part?  There's a definite lesson to be learned here.  Not that I'm promoting the lottery.


The Father-in-law

A nice Christian girl brings home her fiancée to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. He invites the fiancée out onto the front porch for ice tea.

"So, what are your plans?" the father asks the fiancée. "I am a Bible scholar," he replies. "A Bible scholar." the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?" "I will study," the young man replies, "...and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father. "I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?" "Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancée. The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the fiancée insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "So, how did it go?" The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."


 

Dead Donkey

A clergyman awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard. He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it. So, he called the sanitation department, the health department, and several other agencies, but no one seemed able to help him. In desperation, the good reverend called the mayor and asked what should be done. The mayor must have been having a bad day. "Why bother me?" he asked. "You're a clergyman. It's your job to bury the dead." The pastor lost his cool. "Yes," he snapped, "But I thought I should at least notify the next-of-kin."

Miracles


A newly converted hippie was very interestedly reading the Bible while waiting for transportation and every now and then would exclaim, "Alleluia, Praise the Lord, Amen" and on and on as he read on.

A skeptic heard him and came and asked what he was reading. He answered "I am reading how God parted the red sea and let the Israelites go through--that is a miracle!" The skeptic explained.

"Do not believe everything the Bible tells you. The truth of the matter is that that body of water was only really 6 inches deep-- so it was not miracle." The hippie nodded in disappointment but kept on reading as the skeptic was walking away feeling proud that he had set the hippie straight.

All of a sudden the skeptic heard the hippie let out a big "Alleluia, Praise the Lord ".

At this the skeptic came back to him and asked, "What is it this time?"

The hippie said excitedly in one breath, "This one is a real miracle, God drowned the whole Egyptian army in 6 inches of water!!!"

The Boy and the Fisherman
It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite. He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not to far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute and WHAM! a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish.

The old man couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But, the boy dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one. This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't take it any more since he hadn't caught a thing all this time. He went to the boy and said, "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it?"

The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."

"What was that?" the old man asked.

Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."

"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you are saying."

So, the boy spit into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!"

Problems, Problems, Problems!

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew
apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with
anyone, not even each other.

The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for
advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success
of my marriage."

His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?"

"Oh yes, very much," he said," but you see, I have very smelly feet,
and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them."

"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often
as possible,and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this
seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up
with her mom." Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my
breath is truly awful."

"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the
morning."

"No, you don't understand,. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid
that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me."

Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of
bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While the family is
busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is,
not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth."

"I shouldn't say good morning or anything?" the daughter asked.

"Not a word," her mother affirmed.

"Well, it's certainly worth a try," she thought.

The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each
had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning
silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months
later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start
to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the
consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes
his bride and without thinking, she asks, "What on earth are you
doing?"

"Oh, my," he replies, "you've swallowed my sock!"



Criticism

Before you criticize someone,
you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them,
you are a mile away from them,
and you have their shoes!



Three Guys Get to Heaven


3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say......LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!!!"






Email: chris@momof9splace.com ©ccheedie 2000

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