How Well Doest Thou Cook Woman?




        A good many husbands art spoiled by mismanagement in cooking & so art not tender & good. Some women keep them too constantly in hot water; others let them freeze by their carelessness & indifference; others constantly keep them in a pickle. Some puttest them in a stew by irritating ways & words. It canst be supposed that any husband will be tender & good managed this way, but they art truly delicious if properly treated. 

        In selecting thine husband ye shouldst not be guided by the silvery appearance, as in buying mackerel, nor by the golden tint, as if ye wanted salmon. Be sure & select him thyself as tastes differ. Thou shalt not go to the marketplace in seeking for thine husband, as the best art always brought to thine door. Verily, verily, Paul says unto thou, Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

        'Tis far better to have none lest you know how to cook him. A preserving kettle of finest porcelain is best, but if thou hast nought but an earthenware pipkin, it will do with care. See that the linen in which ye wrap him is nicely washed & mended, with the required number of strings nicely sewed on. Tie him in the kettle by a strong silk cord called comfort, as the one called duty is apt to be weak & they art apt to fly out of the kettle & be burned & crusty on the edges, since, like crabs & lobsters, thou hast to cook they alive. Woman, maketh a clear steady fire out of Love, cleanliness & cheerfulness. Verily, set him as nigh this as seems to agree with him. Add a little sugar in the form of what confectioners call kisses, but no vinegar or pepper in any amount; a little spice improves they, but it must be used with judgment.

        My Sister, do not stick any sharp instrument into him to see if he is becoming tender. Stir him gently; watch the while, so he doth not become useless. Likewise, if he starts sputtering and popping humble thineself and think not that thou knowest all about cooking for the man was the appointed bu God the chiefest cook. Behold, garnish thyself not with gold and silver, but rather, be meek and modest in thine appearance alway. Neither shalt thou puttest layer upon layer of trimmings on. Doest Paul speaketh a lie? "In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;" God forbid!

        For, too much adorning maketh thyself look like a whore and doth truly spoil the appetite.Thus treated thee will findest thine spouse verily digestible and pleasant to taste, agreeing nicely with ye & the children, lest you become careless & set him in too cold a place.  If that shouldst happen, then returneth to your first love for thine husband.May God bless thee in thine cooking woman.

        Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto theLord. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. (2 Cor 6:14; 1 Tim 2:9; Eph 5:25; Col 3:19; Eph 5:22; Eph 5:24)

..he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast. Prov. 15:15


E-Mail      Back to Mom of 9's






The Christian Counter




Baptist TOP1000